We survived the apocalypse. We survived 2012. If I had to define this year in a single term I would quickly grab at the word defeat. That seems a bit pessimistic, and I extend thorough apologies. Without those great defeats, however, I would have never been able to rise up and meet the victories that were soon to follow.
MEANING: verb tr.: To bring under control or to make submissive
I want to explore some things that I felt like I was subjugated by this past year and over which I found subsequent victory.
01. Fear of being alone. This sounds sort of silly. If you know me personally, you know that I turn “on” when I am in the right crowd. I leave inhibitions behind and actively engage the crowd. But, at the tail end of 2011 I wouldn’t even go shopping by myself. I have morphed to loving the time that I have to be alone. I cherish it. Remember, I spend plenty of time being Mary Poppins. Some days I just need quiet.
02. Writer’s Block. I have spent the better part of this year being blocked as a writer. It wasn’t this inability to write anything. Rather, it was feeling as if there were much better ways to spend my energy. I joined every social media site I could find, allowing me to say whatever I wanted, but never having to commit to a single coherent thought.
03. Pushing people away. Maybe I fibbed a little just then. I still instinctively, push people away when they reach the most tender parts. However, I recognize this about myself. I have discovered that I am not protecting anyone by pushing them away. It isn’t some selfless act of mercy by not allowing people into my darker moments. It just allows me to selfishly suffer and blame others for not caring enough to change it.
How about you? What victories did you have in 2012?