I desperately wish that I could wake up tomorrow and consistently do the right thing. I wish that I didn’t catch myself tugging and pulling on issues that I swore I was going to surrender, in faith, to God.
No amount of wishing, hoping or praying has changed the fact that I am human.
Sin is everywhere. I face myself in the mirror and realize that there is darkness within my heart, as well as within the world that I am going to face. It is scary, to meditate, however briefly on depravity, but enlightening, nonetheless.
Being a nanny teaches me more about myself than I have taught those children. Whenever I find myself at the end of my rope, I recognize that I am pushing towards the boundaries of my patience. However, I serve a God that is abounding in love and slow to anger. He doesn’t grow impatient with me, no matter how I perceive it, God responds in love.
T, the 3 year old, likes to test my patience. She is quite adept at the Where’s my Water app on the iPad. With every pause in entertainment, she will quickly inquire whether or not she can play on the iPad. My initial, knee-jerk response is to tell her ‘no’. My preference is always that she would select a book or puzzle to do instead of being stimulated by technology.
She often responds with a very frustrated eye roll. My favorite time, that initially inspired upset and then a laugh, was a day that sue persistently asked for the iPad. I had no intention of caving, and then her mother arrived home. K insisted, also, that T find another means of occupying herself. Instead she said:
“Miss Ashley. When are you going home?”
“Well, when Miss C says that she is ok watching you while mommy cooks. Why?’
“Hmm. Try again.”
“Well, when you leave I am going to sneak and play on the iPad.”
Terrifying how quickly the quirkiness of the littles inspires serious pause in my spiritual life.
Do I do that? Insist that God give me something. And then when He doesn’t respond in a satisfactory measure, do I wait until I believe His head is turned?
Does interaction with anyone give you pause about behaviors that you display in your own life? Or, for my Christian readers, do you wait until God ‘turns His head’?