I count it all as loss

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nugacity

PRONUNCIATION: (noo-GAS-i-tee, nyoo-)

MEANING: noun: Triviality; futility.

I spent the past couple of years making some mistakes that I pray I will avoid in my future. I am also learning to relinquish control on things that I cannot change. I am inclined to stretch and controt myself in hopes of having any semblance of control. Spoiler alert: it never ever ever works out in my favor.

01. Other people’s of me. It is absolute nonsense to try and people please to the level I have discovered myself doing it. I will forsake things that I want, or even know I should do, in hopes of making someone else happy. It is futility. And I don’t want to see myself sacrificing for the sake of just pleasing others.
02. Behaving as if something just didn’t happen. My obsession with intentional denial is something I am counting as loss. I will come against conflict in relationships and then try to behave as if that never happened. I skip right over to this solid belief system that in order to have healthy relationships we just have to ignore when there is conflict. Guess what? It is a lie. Conflict is normal and healthy when dealt with appropriately. That means accepting that feelings got hurt, employing forgiveness and grace and moving on in that fashion.
03. Dwelling. Rumination is nonsense. Ruminating is the act of chewing over the same things over and over again. Know who ruminates? Cows. Cows ruminate. That is why the term is even in the English vocabulary. I don’t even think there’s anymore to say on this one aside from: don’t be a cow.

What have you done for too long in futility? How will you change it?

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