On Heart Rooms

the trees forgive me 013There’s a myriad of things happening inside my chest cavity
There are unlocked doors to all of my brain rooms
I keep hearing this loop, a repeating of things I’m trying to forget
The way that you always used to say that I was your “constant”
It seems trivial now, trite and callous,
The idea that my existence is so extremely static that it was always backed by predictability
But, I’m not like that
I am like an animal trapped in a corner
Though I’m not generally aggressive, now I am forced to fight back
I have spent too long working on this process of unmemorization
I started with unlearning your laugh
And the way that you held your mouth in a crooked smile
And how your teeth always danced behind your lips when you were telling the best stories
That stupid song that was ours, and I’m sure is yours to use as you choose
And the way that we were always pushing forward,
But we acted as the other’s anchors
I was never your constant, I was exactly what kept you stuck in place
On the oceans waves, a semblance of motion
But you were never clearing any ground
I can’t stand the sound of these memories
They linger here, to haunt me
But, I am doing spring cleaning of all my heart rooms
And everything about you is served with an eviction notice
My heart cage told my heart to reside upon my sleeve,
That I wore it there anyway
But I am learning, that it doesn’t matter where it’s worn
If it isn’t flesh, it isn’t beating
You were always so fleeting

 

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