I used to say that this city was my big fish. I meant it, though. I could say it tongue-in-cheek, with a half-smirk that made you wonder if I was being sincere. But, for a considerable amount of time I honestly believed that I was stuck inside the most unlikely city (landlocked, nonetheless) as a type of big fish.
I am not really running from a call of God. I did consider that God might be trying to send me elsewhere. I thought that God might be sending me on a mission trip that would certainly guarantee I would never see America again. But, then something changed in my heart. As much as I believe that, perhaps, God was sending me somewhere. I think I am beginning to see that on my quest to not be in that place at all, God was really leading me to the city that I am currently calling home.
I don’t even know how I had myself tricked into believing that God was really using this as my big fish anyway. In closer examination of the story of Jonah I realize that the big fish came as Jonah’s rescue. I hadn’t even considered that I had run THAT far from God’s calling that I would need to be cast into a tumultuous ocean, let alone require rescue from the dangers of the ocean floor. But, it felt like something that was easy to say.
Because that very thing implied that I was meant for something much more grand and amazing than simply being a nanny.
That sounds so selfish and terrible. I know that what I do is not glamorous by any means. But every day that I do it, I realize it is what I was meant to in this moment. I am very much over the constant stress and agony of trying to sort out what my life will be like in even six months time, let alone try to construct some magnificent future that leads to more self-fame than God fame. It ruins me, though. It really honestly ruins me.
People scoff at me when I tell them what I do professionally. People look at me and just assume that I am a glorified babysitter. It is really easy to write my job off as something that any person could do with their eyes closed. And I’m going to have to accept that there will be plenty of people who will never understand the magnitude of what I do. I am not going to go at length to justify my job. Because I shouldn’t have to. Stay at home mothers shouldn’t have to either. We wonder what is wrong with society, and the blatant lack of emphasis on taking care of the children really does come to mind. But, this isn’t my grand defense.
I just know that being a nanny isn’t my big fish. I am right where God wants me to be. It certainly drives me crazy that my story doesn’t have me set in the middle of some great, sweeping adventure. But I am not writing my own story. I don’t drive the plot. I don’t choose the cast. I am merely part of the action as it is happening.
And I won’t waste another moment fretting that what I do isn’t important or extraordinary.