I had been given so many opportunities to remove the stained garments, and take on the righteousness of Christ. But I was contented with my sin. I was comfortable. I was so apathetic. I was so proud. I was so lazy. I was so afraid. I was armed with so many excuses.
And the thing about living complacent with sins (no matter how seemingly big or small these sins are) is that it soon becomes a messy endeavor. You cannot live a life of sin, no matter how secret you think they are, without affecting every single relationship you have with other people.
Because, let’s face it, if you’re sinning, and willfully sinning (I’m speaking to indulging addictions rather than reaching out, not just an occasional slip up, I mean going into a situation knowing that it is wrong and doing it anyway) then you’ve made yourself into a liar. If you don’t confess what you’re doing in secret that is not honoring God? Then you’re lying to people around you. I’m not encouraging this practice of going and sharing your dirt with everyone you encounter. But, if you’ve done something wrong and your heart is repentant, but you’ve not a single soul to hold you accountable? Then you’re in bondage to that sin.
Your word doesn’t turn out to be very much if you’re lying to everyone around you.
And lies hurt people. They hurt them deeply, and if you’re lucky, people will choose forgiveness, but rarely will they forget. And every time you make a promise, they may hesitate and hope that you’re not going to slip up and go back into your old pattern.
These sins make you isolate yourself. You get to the point where you trust no one. And even if you’re parading around like nothing has changed, some part of your heart becomes blackened, just a smidgen. And in that dark place you become suspect of everyone around you. You count down the hours until someone disappoints you. You anticipate that other people are being just as dark and secretive as you are.
This sins will make you act out in ways that you never thought would happen. You start lashing out on people. You start blaming other people. You begin to truly believe that no one cares about you, or that they’d see right through your lies. But there comes a point where they have seen through your lies, but they no longer know what to do with them. They don’t know how to save you from them. They just don’t know what to do. You’ve rendered them helpless, and they don’t know what is the causation for the change.
I look back and I see how choices that I made, defiantly and hastily, cost me so much. I’m fortunate for grace and for people who love me even when I dip greedily into the bucket of indulgence and don’t anticipate that the consequences will be the bitter, acidic aftertaste.
But, don’t be in bondage. If you’re making bad choices, get help. Confess your sins. Reach out for help. Let people know that you can’t do this alone. Please, it could mean your spiritual death if you don’t.