Small

filled with wonder awestruck wonderThere is something about the nature of God that I scoot behind my conscious thoughts, and refuse to let permeate to my spirit. God is big. And I am small.

I haven’t allowed myself to feel immensely small and finite when compared to t majestic, holy, mighty, HUGE God. I puff myself up. I become like a puffer fish, and hope that the size of my pride will be enough to carry me through the tumultuous ocean of life.

It is more than just a wrong pattern of thinking. It is something that I believe on a core level, and ignore that I believe it. It treks into the land of sinfulness when I know it is a thought that I should combat, and choose not to do it anyway. It is much easier to pretend like the center of the universe is me.

It is easier to regard myself as the most important part of life. When, in actuality, everything that I have is His, and He owns everything. I have let far too long pass since I have basked in the Bigness of God.

My God is so big that when I asked, prayerfully, where He would use me in my life after college in April of 2009, that He answered me with Indiana. Then, filled with tremendous doubt that He would ever recall that to mind, I found myself in Indiana in August of 2009 and haven’t left since.

My God is so big that months passed where I didn’t know how to make ends meet. I found more month at the end of my money. And I didn’t even know where I would live next. Time after time after time after time God showed up.

When I didn’t know how I was going to navigate the streets, literally. I didn’t own a car. God provided through a family at my church, anonymously. When I wonder from where my car came? I know the only real answer I need to know is God.

That’s how big my God is. And I dare to believe that I would be more apt to take note of how Big He is, if I didn’t try to puff myself up all the time. I would have the honor of being reverent and in awe of God’s hugeness if I would stop trying to make my own path and go along my own way.

Pride comes before the fall. You know, I would like to take this time in my life to learn this lesson from the Good Book, rather than have to discover it by my own experience. I want to be less so that He is more. I want to be so small that everyone who encounters me can’t help but notice just how BIG my God is.

 

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