There are plenty of days when I don’t want to go for a run. I can think of a million excuses by the time a work day has finished. I’ve met so many exhausting hang ups. There have been days when the kids are just a thousand flavors of crazy. I don’t always feel 100%. There are days when I want nothing more than to sit back and eat half of a pizza and drink a two liter of coke to trail it.
I seriously doubt that I could do that at this point in my life. But, I think you get the sentiment for which I am vying.
But, there’s something about the moment of clarity that I have only yet to achieve in a run that is the game changer for me. I find myself pushing against my body’s fake insistence to give up. There is usually nothing wrong with my body, and it is my mind that I battle against every single time that I run.
Having battled with depression my whole teenage life, and then on into my adulthood, I’ve been always looking for ways to clear my head. I’m a writer by nature. Something seems natural about spilling out words and sentences and forming paragraphs of coherent thoughts. It soothes me. But, just writing isn’t enough to empty my head of everything that demands a second thought.
So, I’ve spent a considerable amount of time searching for something, anything that could bring me peace. Do not misunderstand me. I know that there is peace found in Jesus Christ, and this isn’t me saying that I’m hanging up my relationship with Jesus. Instead, I’m saying that in spite of knowing that Jesus is my peace, there is still the constant barrage of worldly, flesh thoughts that course through my brain through warp speed.
Until my tennis shoes are on. Until I am running and feeling my muscles warming up, and eventually threatening to give up at any given moment. There is so much beating incessantly against my grey matter, until I am climbing hills and running back down them with a goofy smile on my face.
I run because in that moment I find my true taste of infinity. I find a clarity that only God and I can share together. And it is a religious experience that cannot be reproduced. All of the other thoughts fighting for my attention, they stop. The moment I push through the wall of maybe I should quit and keep on going is the moment that I encounter a still, small voice that has no other name but Jesus.
I feel the presence of God in a run like I have never felt in any other measure.
I run to run from problems, stress, bills, illness, relationship strains, growing pains, frustrations, disappointments, confusion, heartache, anger, loss of control, the past that dares to haunt me, the future that is daunting, I run from all of those things.
But I run to run to God. And that has made all of the difference.