Holding Out

2013-05-23 12.45.22In the Garden, it took the Serpent only planting the seed with a question. It only took a slight twist of the truth to devastate the order of unbroken communion with God. It took only one belief in one core lie, God is holding out on me.

I find myself frustrated that this would be the very same lie that I would claim as my own. It is the lie that I find myself twisted, tied, wrapped up inside. It inspires a lot of my sinning, a lot of my failures. It drags me out of the loving embrace of the Father, and into the calloused hands of the world.

Eve believed that eating of the tree would make her like God. She believed that God didn’t want that for her (of course He didn’t, but not because He didn’t want her to cross the threshold into a god-like existence, but because He knew that sin would enter into the world.) She believed that He didn’t want it for her because He didn’t care generously for her. She considered that this withholding of this knowledge was meant to hinder her, not to help her.

Can I be real with you? I believe this lie. When I don’t get something for which I have prayed, when I am certain that it is a door that I should just pry open–it is because I think that God’s holding out on me is out of cruelty. Our Father in Heaven does not cruelly respond to His children. Instead, God, who sees the forest and the trees in appropriate perspective, attempts to save us heartache and sorrow by keeping doors tightly locked.

And there are many times when His response is merely Not yet. It isn’t that He never wants it to come to pass, but rather that He wants us to wait patiently for it. There’s something else for us in the present moment. And, as I spoke of yesterday, we were created to live in each moment.

What does believing this lie look like in my life? Up until now it has been settling for less than I should in a relationship. Instead of seeking Godly men who influence the world for the kingdom, I wind up with men who might pay God lip service. And I shrug it off when it proves to have been just a lie. I chase after alternatives. Instead of trusting that God will financially provide, I look at all of the other ways that I could make income. Even if that means I would blatantly step out of His will if I were to follow those leads.

I don’t want to be a God. I want to be LIKE God. I want to think His thoughts. I want to Love the way He Loves. I want to sacrificially give like He gave. That tells me that I can’t keep behaving like I know what’s best for myself. I don’t. But, I know the One who does.



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